___Well, most of you should be able to appreciate this, but Bob might have to shield his eyes.posted by Matt 9/30/2004 09:30:00 AM
This website explains exactly why Bush will once again win Florida.
The Florida Ballot
9/28/2004
___Ever have a cat?posted by Rishi 9/28/2004 01:20:00 PM
Ever have a cat and been like, Fuck, she'd look good in a cat-bikini?
Ever not have a cat-bikini handy and just been like Fuck, man, I'll just fucking paint it on?
Well, then you need to buy this book.
And, if you're interested in getting started, then you'll need to understand the concept of fur maps.
Don't just trust me. Trust the media.
“Painted cats transform into art with a purrpuss.”—Las Vegas Review Journal
9/17/2004
___Things have really changed a lot in 30 years.posted by Adam 9/17/2004 11:06:00 AM
Take, if you will... food.
Apparently, in 1974 it was perfectly acceptable to roast a whole chicken and then paint it with tomato sauce. Or to combine orange juice and milk into one deliciously quenching drink. How bout "Mousse of Salmon", "Chilled Celery Log", "Fluffy Mackeral Pudding", or "Frankfurter Spectacular"?
Each one of these is scarier than the last. They all seem the work of some kind of seventies insanity to reach new levels of creativity in the kitchen. It didn't matter if it was completely revolting... just long as it was "different".
1974 Weight Watchers recipe cards
9/16/2004
___What do you get when you combine a 1980's blue vest, a giant red motorcycle helmet, thick boxing gloves, a skateboard, a Russian accent, and some casio beats?posted by Adam 9/16/2004 02:04:00 PM
You get none other than the dynamic rap stylings of ILL MITCH!
here's a taste of his chart-topper "Fast and Danger" off the debut CD "Punch While Rap":
ride my board in the street ride my board and I'm ill
ride my board so quick ride my board down a hill
I ride in a pool I ride a half tube
I board fast like gleaming the cube
9/15/2004
___In response to Billionaires for Bush comes the "wish we thought of that first" slapped together counter-site Communists for KERRY.posted by Adam 9/15/2004 11:00:00 AM
Things I learned from the Communists for Kerry site:
Richard Nixon looked an awful lot like LBJ, and it takes approximately 10,000 tomatoes to make one bottle of EZ Squirt Blastin' Green ketchup.
___The ACA is being publically traded on a fantasy (or Fallacy??) stockexchange?? WTF?posted by Adam 9/15/2004 10:23:00 AM
BlogShares - Adam's Crappy Attempt
Well... I don't know when this happened, but apparently we've hit the big time. I invite ALL ACA Interns to buy a ceremonial kazoo from the ACA bathroom "Convenience Center" and celebrate this momentous occasion! Upon noticing the ACA was listed on this site, and had a rating of "Buying should be no problem", I quickly signed up and grabbed as many shares as I could, lest control of the ACA fall into the wrong hands. Unfortunately, it looks like some guy (mike?) calling himself Corporate Takeover has made a bid for the controlling stake of the ACA. I should probably point out to him that the ACA has not received any of its factory scheduled mainanence, and our lint trap has never been cleaned.
___Heard about this on Howard Stern this morning, and thought it had ACA written all over it. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mandonna - the all-male, all-live tribute to the material girl.posted by Dave 9/15/2004 08:46:00 AM
If you can't get Mandonna for your next big event, might I suggest consulting Littleman-Entertainment, where "WE PROVIDE ALL THE BEST IN SHORT DWARF-ELVES-ELFS-ELVIS-LEPRECHAUNS-MINI-KISS-ETC".
9/14/2004
___Hey Interns:posted by Adam 9/14/2004 03:24:00 PM
Wondering what all this snazzy new crap on the ACA is for? Like the [this link] thing, or making you write "titles" for your posts that don't actually show up in the posts? Well don't worry too much about it. It's all good. Just part of our "Do it Cause We Can" philosophy. And also, it may help the ACA get a little more public. (not really, but it's the the attempt that counts.)
Anyway... If you're new to the ACA, or just bored cause no one's posting anything, check out the new "Random Posts" link up top! It'll spit out a bunch of posts from some random week in ACA history. (If nothing shows up, that's ok. It was probably just a slow week).
"It's Snappy!"
___You know your crappy website has really made it when they start coming out with petitions to shut you down.posted by Adam 9/14/2004 02:08:00 PM
"The (self-described) Best Page in the Universe promotes killing whales, destroying the environment and our world, and littering."
HEY.. the ACA promotes putting ACA stickers on public transportation! Where's our petition?!?
Mothers Against Maddox
___Looking for a way to break up with someone while improving your computer software skills? How about a Microsoft PowerPoint breakup? After all, who can argue with pie charts such as "The many different mood swings of Laura Boles"?posted by Dave 9/14/2004 01:35:00 PM
9/13/2004
___Instill your bloated, drunken rant with the credibility your street corner audience doesn't want to hear... with Statistics! Yes... that's right. You've heard about them for years, and now they can be yours! Don't take my word for it, though... 87% of all people believe that a opinion sounds more credible just by throwing in a couple statistics! And experts say there's no better way than shutting someone up in an argument than by quoting some random stat you saw on the front page of the USA today that was on the floor of your bathroom stall. So start being the authority on everything you always knew you were... with Stats!posted by Adam 9/13/2004 10:34:00 AM
"Statistics: When yelling louder just isn't enough."
9/09/2004
___The state of employment for doctors in the United States is worsening. Just ask Bush:posted by Adam 9/09/2004 11:16:00 AM
"To many OBGYNs aren't able to practice... their love... with women all across this country."
9/08/2004
___What is it like to apply for an ACA Internship? It's usually feelings of rejection followed by overjoyed acceptance.posted by Adam 9/08/2004 04:06:00 PM [this link] [email it]
Watch the bearded dumbass demonstrate some typical reactions.
9/07/2004
___posted by Matt 9/07/2004 04:09:00 PMThere goes the bathroom as an escape from nagging.
The article doesn't mention whether there are plans to expand on the current discussion topics.
Possible phrases for the future: "Damn, if I had a nose, I'd be plugging it."
"You need fiber."
"I don't know if this is all going to make it down."
and, of course: "You must have been at Mug Club last night."
9/01/2004
___It's always a little scary when I return to ACA Headquarters after a few weeks and find the place cleaner than when I left. But anyway... thanks to the Interns for keeping up appearances while I was in Greece as part of the ACA's 2004 Olympic coverage. And forget about the gold medal finishers... My respect goes to countries like Samoa, who had every athlete they sent finish last in atleast one event! After all... Isn't picking all the wrong games in your football pool just as hard as picking all the right ones?posted by Adam 9/01/2004 11:49:00 AM
Olympic Last Place Finishers
